For many some sort of failure in life is common. It might be failure in relationships, at work, with family, in losing weight, money issues or maybe inability to hold on to friends.
It is soooo easy to blame it on the circumstance: it wasn’t me. It was him/her/mother/father/sister/dog/boss/nature/nurture/traffic/duty/money.
Sure, yeah, many failures do happen to us, despite what we want or try to do. We might try and try and still fail. Or we might want something and do whatever it takes to get it, and still fail.
But in some cases you might want to pause for a moment, take a deep breath, take a very long and good look in the mirror and think: so I found an asshole for partner for the umpteenth time. I again let my sister sucker me for money. And yet again I didn’t want to take care of that extra work but ended up doing it anyway.
So – partners might be assholes, bosses too. And your sister? A leech.
But. What is the common denominator in all these things that “just happen” to you?
So time and again you meet this lovely person who, after the honeymoon period is over turns out to be abusive, arrogant, stupid, violent, irritating – you take your pick.
It is of course plausible that no other kind of people actually exist in the world and you happen to meet all 128889 of them.
Equally plausible is also that you are the magnet that for some reason attracts these kind of people. Sorry.
The same with you being manipulated into working too much or helping out a family member: sure, again, the people using you might be assholes (they probably are), but again, you’re the one complying.
The reasons for your compliance are varied (childhood experiences, need to please, need to be loved, low self-worth etc.) but the end result is the same.
I’m not saying you deserve what’s happening to you, of course not. But if you have things happening to you time after time and you start feeling used and wonder why this always happens to you, you might want think about it a bit more deeply.
Well, what does all these things have in common? People change, circumstances change, what happens change. The only thing that stays the same is you.
It can be daunting to face that truth. But that’s the only way to break the viscous circle. If you don’t, you’ll just keep on repeating the same pattern all over.
You have to be honest about the choices you’ve made and be ready to tackle the reasons for you to be making those particular choices.
Since you’re the common denominator, the only thing you can actually influence, have power over to change, is you. So better start the work there. There will always be people willing to take advantage of you. They’d’ be stupid not to if you’re offering yourself on a silver platter!
Own the fact that you are the one that attract them and then start thinking how to separate yourself from these kind of situations and people. Learn to say no if need be. Learn to see and appreciate your own worth and take it from there.
After a while you will start attracting better choices, better people and better results in your life.