And with things I mean things, objects. No X-files favorite conspiracy  “government has held the existence of aliens’ secret since Roswell” or “9/11 was an American plot” or Dan Brown “Vatican/Jesus/Founding Fathers” stuff.

No, I mean the things in our everyday lives, that conspire to trip us, hurt us or confuse us.index

I mean the table that moves ever so slightly when you get close to it and greets your toe with delight.
I mean the computer that offers you DELETE when you’re trying to RENAME. And oops, you just deleted all the files you have been working on for the last two weeks.

I mean the spoon that jumps out of your hand and races under the table, where, when you try to reach it, the chair inches close to you and bumps you on the head.

And the shirt, that just won’t let you put your arms into the sleeves – instead it dances around your body evading your grasping hands until it gets caught in your hair and gets stuck there.

Nothing is a gratifying and at the same time frustrating than getting aggressive on that door frame that just hit your shoulder. Oh when you get to hit is so hard – that feel so great. That’ll teach it!!

But at the same time.. you know hitting it won’t change a thing. As soon as you turn your back, it’s back there, lurking.

I just wonder: what do they want? What’s their end-game? Simply to annoy us, get us lose our temper.. and then what?

Do they plan things ahead? Like “today well all act up, yesterday we didn’t do anything, so let’s make it a good one this time!” Or maybe “you, battery, start by dying, you screen, go blank, you carpet, trip them and you pine needle that has been under the carpet for a month, stick to the pinky toe”.

I suppose I could burn the damn table, hack that pine needle into million pieces or throw the spoon in the trash, but that won’t help: the next generation of things has been taught well. They’ll just take up where the previous devious bastards left off.

Can we ever win?

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4 thoughts on “The Conspiracy of Things

  1. Morena

    Lol! I love your humour!
    I think we can win… if we try not to take things personally… Tables, spoons, etc… Are just being themselves after all… So maybe accepting them as they are or saying ‘I forgive you table’ and then just getting on with life… Lol!!!

    1. Hot Potatoe Post author

      How can we not take it personally since they apparently have it in it for us??
      I am willing to forgive as soon as the pain subsides. Or then again.. maybe I’ll just thrash everything in sight. Me, vengeful? Nah. 😈

  2. Samantha Pilling

    Oh Helina, I agree with Morena, I love your humour! It’s so easy (meant in the nicest possible way) to read your blog. It’s like hearing you speak out loud. Laugh at the spoon, and tell it “HA! You think that’s funny. I’m going to leave you there for a couple of hours on that grubby floor. Tell me then how funny it is. HA!”.

    We all have these days, but I honestly think ‘laugh at it all’. When you laugh, you see how silly the whole situation is. And why not dance with the shirt? I can’t remember the last time anyone asked me to dance (errr…. August at a wedding… hmmm) so I’ll take that opportunity with both hands 🙂

    1. Hot Potatoe Post author

      Thanks for the compliment – I’ll take whatever I can get! 😀

      As for the darn things complicating our lives: I still feel the answer to everything is violence. The problem is that they don’t seem to care – they just bounce back as nothing happened. leaving me with hurting toes or hand. There’s just no winning with them.. 🙄

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