The most difficult thing in the relationships between people seems to be to open your mouth and say what’s on your mind or what you want.

Oh if only people spoke to each other!

So many problems, situations, misunderstandings, even wars would have been avoided if people only spoke up!

And sure, often the silence is intentional, secretive, having a purpose. There is no need for words since that might clarify the situation or even give clues. Who would want to rectify a misunderstanding if silence can lead to a better thing, like a fight or war.

But mostly what happens is the inability to just open your mouth, say what you mean or what you want.

Instead people go through whole discussions in their head. Which is convenient since you can decide what the other one will say and how you can eventually win the argument.

Or they talk about it to friends and analyze it to death – it’s safe to to do it with outsiders who know enough, but aren’t involved in the problem.

Or, which seems to be the most usual these days: people ask total strangers on the net what they think about what they have done/should do.

And that’s okay, you get many different points of view (provided your original question was detailed enough) and might learn from other peoples experiences.

But the opinions and information you get from all the outsiders should lead to talking to the person(s) you need to talk with. And that still seems to be a too complicated step for many.

Why is it so difficult?images

Fear of ridicule, fear of loss, fear of further misunderstanding?

A sure recipe for further misunderstanding is of course if you don’t speak up – since hey, everyone can read your mind!
Saying things out loud can of course mean further problems if you don’t do it correctly. With this I mean that speaking up means also listening. Taking turns in talking. Not just shouting out all the issues you have with the person.

Fear of loss: “if I say it, s/he will leave/not love me anymore/hate me”. Well, is it worth being with this person if you can’t honestly say what your needs are and what’s on your mind?

Fear of ridicule is a possibility, but is the better option not to say anything and leave the other person(s) thinking you agree or don’t have any opinion on the matter? And besides, who’s to say they are right and you are wrong?

Is it just easier to shut up, close your eyes and ears and keep on going as you have for so long? Sure, in the short run. But if you want to be happy, if you want to be able to be you, eventually you have to speak up. It might cost you something (a relationship, a person), but you pay a higher price for your silence: your own well-being.

Do you keep silent or are you willing to speak up?

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