We all encounter loss. We lose friends (as in friendships end), we lose dear pets (as we have to do the final favor and send them on to the Rainbow Bridge), we lose jobs or lose loved ones to the Grim Reaper.

Small losses, big ones. Well, who’s to say what is a small loss or a big one? For someone a loss of a pet is nothing, for someone a new job is just around the corner, so why cry over something like that? And for someone losing a friendship is like losing the friend to death.

The grief process is of course unique and the depth and nature of it depends on the loss and the person. A loss of a job is mourned probably differently than the loss of a loved one.

griefBut have you noticed that many times the grieving process is mostly about how you feel?

The thoughts that circle in your mind include “this is so hard for me”, I can’t bear this”, “I need this feeling to stop”, “I miss him so much”, “this is so unfair to me”.

Me me me. Grieving is about how you feel about the thing that happened, not so much of the object that it happened to.

So grieving is actually a very selfish process. The object of the loss won’t know any different. A lost job won’t feel anything about you leaving. Your loved one or your dearest dog has passed on and won’t know any pain anymore – they don’t grieve. The friend you had to break up with doesn’t give a toss about you.

This doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing, that the grieving process is selfish, no.

But it might help you when you’re in the throngs of the pain to stop for a moment and listen to your thoughts: are you grieving for yourself or the one that is gone?
If you listen and notice that you just feel sorry for yourself, maybe pause and rethink it: it’s not about you.

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Posted in: General.
Last Modified: April 9, 2015

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