Letting go is so hard for many people. Letting go of people, feelings, things, relationships, conceptions or hopes.

Letting go can mean that you have to accept that things are not going your way, not as you planned, hoped or wished.

Letting go can be a painful thing, but also freeing: no need to worry, obsess or plan anymore. If you let go of the need to control, you might find yourself actually achieving what you wanted in the first place.

“Desperation is off-putting”

“When you stop looking, you usually find it”

“Accept that you can’t control everything”

These thoughts are irritating, but also pretty much true.

If you’re looking for a relationship, desperation or neediness is a turn-off, it really is. It emanates from  you like a bad smell and makes people turn away from you. No one wants a desperate clinger as a companion.letting go

And how not to be desperate or needy but still want a relationship? Well, it starts with knowing yourself. When you truly know who you are, what you want and what you deserve, you might find that the key to your happiness is not another person. Yes, a partner would be a very nice addendum, but even without it you can have a good and full life.
When you’re okay with not necessarily finding someone to complete you (since that would mean you’re somehow flawed or missing pieces in your personality), you relax. And the desperate look will vanish also. And that’s when sometimes you actually might come across someone who’s interested in you.

Letting go can also be about knowing when to call it quits, be it a job, a relationship or something concrete like a car. When it breaks down the umpteenth time in the middle of nowhere in a freezing blizzard, maybe it’s time to let it go.

If a job is eating from you inside, you feel bad every day, can’t advance in it or the job has nothing to offer you anymore – maybe it’s time to let go and look for new opportunities. (A small word of advice though: don’t quit and then start looking for a job. Many employers rather hire someone from another job than someone completely without one).

Or if a relationship is only about you giving, not receiving: time, energy, feelings, maybe money. If your partner is only asking from you, not giving anything, if you feel bad, if you’re not happy, if you’re being abused. It’s time to share the spoons and let go – you take the left and your partner can go to the right.

Maybe the toughest thing to let go is control. Because it is so closely connected to your hopes and wishes. You hope and wish for X, and you take all the necessary steps towards it, but nothing happens, things won’t go your way. You just won’t be able to make it. Or you have to wait for an eternity before you can even hope for something to happen.

So how to let go of everything else but keep the hope?

The key is probably to separate control and hope. You accept that your plan isn’t going as you want it to go. You accept that not everything is up to you – things might be this way be because of a global economic crisis, of someone else needing his/her time to make XYZ In order for you to be able to do your X, it could be the position of the Moon or the way a raindrop falls on grass…

Again, if and when you accept things, you can relax. And when you relax, you don’t need to be either controlling or being frustrated because you can’t control it.

Because that leaves hope. There’s always hope, the wise people say. And that you have to believe. You can’t control it, it just is. So let go and you might end up with a happy ending after all.

How do you come to terms with letting go?

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