When analyzing the questions that are sent to Hot Potatoe, there seems to be on common trend: complete and utter lack of communication.
For some reason people, who end up in a relationship learn how to shut up after a while.
Usually relationships start with a lot of talk: chatting on websites, discussion boards, apps, phone, emails.. There’s not end to the stream of talking!
And aren’t those the greatest memories you can have: talking, talking and talking.. for hours and hours. All night long.
Sure, the sex too probably (if you’re lucky), but most of all all the talking.
Exploring and exposing: you tell everything about yourself and the other person is so interested in you and everything you have to say. You equally drink up all the words: it’s just so interesting!
Wow – s/he listens to me and wants to know more! And I can get enough of his/her life stories!
So she went to Africa to learn how to make good coffee! Or he actually did invent a new way to analyze your favorite tv-shows!
And then.. something happens.
I have to quote from one of the best movies ever for this:
Gareth: I’ve got a new theory about marriage. Two people are in love, they live together, and then suddenly one day, they run out of conversation.
Gareth: Totally. I mean they can’t think of a single thing to say to each other. That’s it: panic! Then suddenly it-it occurs to the chap that there is a way out of the deadlock.
Charles: Which is?
Gareth: He’ll ask her to marry him.
Charles: Brilliant! Brilliant!
Gareth: Suddenly they’ve got something to talk about for the rest of their lives.
Charles: Basically you’re saying marriage is just a way of getting out of an embarrassing pause in conversation.
Gareth: The definitive icebreaker
But, even if Gareth thinks the conversation would actually continue in a relationship/marriage, it doesn’t usually seem to mean that important things are talked about.
Like what do I want? What do you want? Am I happy? Are you happy? Why does s/he drink/use drugs/cheat?
For some weird reason people stop talking to each other about what really matters. Because of fear? Perhaps. Laziness? Most definitely. Lack of interest? If so, how sad.
So many problems could be avoided completely or lessened if people just spoke up. But no. More often than not the silence is deafening.
Where does all the talking disappear after the auspicious beginning? Is there a quota of words one is allowed to have and if you use it all in the beginning, there’s none left of later days?
Why does it seem easier not to talk things out, and be miserable, than say what’s bothering you and maybe resolve the issues?
Usually when someone is complaining about a relationship issue and you ask them “have you talked about it with him/her?” you get a blank stare and a definitive NO!
Well duh. Shouldn’t that be the first thing you do?
Or do you just like the sound of your silence?