What else can go wrong?

Question: “Hot Potato, I feel overwhelmed by this crush!  There’s this guy I like (let’s call him J) and I REALLY like him.  He’s my absolute dream guy but there are so many things that stop me from telling him I like him.

He’s single, but I’m pretty sure he likes this girl at his school.  Not only that, but he’s two years older than me (that doesn’t seem like much, but I’m still in high school and J is in college so it seems like a big gap).  The topper is our religions; he’s not interested in dating someone who’s not Mormon.  I’ve liked J for a year and haven’t really though about dating anyone else.  When we talk, time doesn’t matter to either of us.  No matter what we do we have fun.  But, then again, this is all from my perspective; I assume he has fun with me or he wouldn’t hang out with me.  But my question is, is this crush worth the trouble?  Should I try harder to move past him or should I try and win him over/tell him how I feel? Maggie”


Hot Potatoe: Hmm.. I would tell you to go and speak out and enjoy and live happily ever after with J, but I have to say the religious differences can be too much of an obstacle..

The age difference isn’t a problem. You know what they say: men mature more slowly than women, so if he’s two years older than you are, he might still be less mature than you are or at least you might be on the same level 😉

Nor is that a problem that he MAY like another girl. That you suspect, but you don’t know.

But the problem that might end the romantic aspirations is the religion. If you know that he is dead serious about not dating anyone not Mormon, that’s it. He will honor his convictions and there’s nothing anyone can or should do about it. If you want to keep torturing yourself and keep guessing, do not speak to him. But if you want to really know if there is any hope, you have to talk to him.

I know, speaking directly about your feelings can be intimidating, so you could approach the subject from a distance. When you next spend time together, you can ask casually, just in general, if the “I’ll only date a Mormon” thing an absolute? If he says yes, you could jokingly say “what, not even me?!” (with a smile) and you’ll see what he says. If he says, “not even you”, then that’s it.

I’d say that before you try to move past him or try to win him you have to check if there is any real possibility of him dating a non-Mormon. After you have an answer from him, you will know what to do. If he’s not into non-Mormons, why dream of him as a man for you – except in a “let’s just be friends” capacity. If he’s open to the possibility of dating a “non-believer”, go for it 🙂

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