Question: “Dear Potato! Where can I find the Man of My Life? I’m really not into bar relationships and there are only steroidstud in the gyms. All my friends have found their mates, as have their friends as well, so the third wheel position is getting closer! Where can I find a guy or should I fall in love with a spineless loser? “Desperate? Me?”
Hot Potatoe: Uh uh.. that’s a tough one.
If I could find you the man of your life, I’d be rich. But to begin with – don’t take a loser unless you want to be a mother to a spoiled brat, clean after a total mess, patch your dwindling economical situation by taking a 4th job or act as a couch psychologist to an egocentered shit drowning in his own problems.
Since a loser does not seem to be your prime candidate, there are some options to think about:
1. you go through your friends mates friends friends single males or
2. it is often said that one should look for a friend through your hobbies. I’d like to get scientific proof of this – how many do actually find a soulmate through their hobbies?
A lot of hobbies are such that they are done alone or they cost so much that you just concentrate on doing it instead of looking for a partner for life. But! You can think what hobbies would interest you that you haven’t tried yet and which you think would be “male oriented” and try such a new hobby out and see what happens. At least there are many men that like to go to train their dogs.. but skip this unless you’re a true doglover, because a dog binds you quite a lot in many ways.
Regarding the previous: why would have something you don’t like as a hobby just to get a man? And if you really don’t like what you do and the man does, won’t that be a hindrance later on in your relationship?
Maybe the most important thing: think hard what kind of a man you want? I know,I know, we all want a kind, trustworthy, loyal, nice and good man.. sigh. Visualize your possible life together. Do you do things together or go partly your separate ways? Is he interested in culture/TV/sports/nature/??? Do you have kids or not? Do you do sports together or go out to restaurants? What he is with you he is before you meet – maybe that can give you a clue?
Consider what you want: a man who is shy, bold, arrogant, ineffective, humble, self-confident or with a sense of humor? What does a man like this do – where does he move – where would you move if you were shy/bold/etc.?
You didn’t mention your age, so it’s a bit hard to make assumptions. If you are twenty-something, you don’t need to be that desperate – time will probably help you. If you’re older, your desperation might be deeper.
If you’re thirty-something, you can consider the “second round men” – once divorced men. If you’re not keen on him having kids though, it might be a bit more difficult to find a suitable candidate.
My own wide empirical studies have shown that men on the second time around are much better trained, are more understanding and more interesting – they really want to invest in a relationship. A quote from a man like this “only now (after the divorce and in a second relationship) do I understand all the things I did wrong in my marriage – now I understand what a woman wants in a relationship and in a man”.
You might not want to become a “Woman on the Side” – if this interests you, the papers and interenet are full of ads from men looking for you.
Some cheer for advertisements in papers, the internet-age women use the websites and mobile apps for dating and some rely on a short description in religious magazines.
But as answer to your question: the problem is not to find where these men roam, but how to identify them and how to get them to be interested in you. One truth usually applies though – when you stop looking, you will find. Having a sign saying “I’m Desperate” can be very much a turn-off instead of being an invite..